SUMMER STUFF

Okay I have a good excuse this time for not blogging I promise.

So as you've probably noticed, it's summer! Yay. Sort of. Summer in Arizona kinda sucks, because it's terribly hot, but in the evening the sunsets are always beautiful, and it cools down. So it's kinda a neat little "night life" we have going on here, only because it's too hot to do anything in the afternoon.

Wearing shorts and flip-flops, walking along the still-warm sidewalk with your best friend, just chatting and watching the sun set, trying to count the stars while we lie on our backs, then walking home with the moon, tied to our sides like a brilliant white balloon ... That will always be one of my favorite summer memories. Surreal, in a way, but majestic. That's how I describe the evenings in Arizona. When the monsoon comes, it gets intensely more beautiful. The rain will wash the dust out of the air, and the next day will be all muggy and nasty, but when the Phoenicians (which is the term used instead of "Arizonians") come out as the sun lays its self down to rest, the city will glow with excitement, shimmering with life. I remember going to my grandmother's house, up in the higher part of the state, where it isn't so hot, where there is less people, but a tighter community. My grandmother's house is a huge 7 acre lot, with trees and pastures and gardens that she maintains herself, even though she's 84. She has a huge hill that I used to climb up at night, and watch the shining lights of Phoenix below, thinking about my parents and what they might be doing. I would stay at her house for weeks at a time during my father's cancer and other illnesses. Not only did it teach me of the value of my own self, but it taught me what it was to care for others, and to care for myself. It taught me what real strength meant. That real strength was getting down on your knees and crying in front of the people who's opinion of you you value most, then looking them in the eye, getting up on your feet, taking their hand, and moving a step forward slowly.
Grandma always smiled and said "the Lord will provide." And to this day, I hold that closest to my heart. Those experiences are my foundation. Everything that upholds who I am today can be found in what God did for me when I was at my most frightened. If anyone asks me where my loyalties lie, they wont have to look far. I only serve God. I realize I'm only 15, I've got a long way to go on this narrow road, and I know I'm not wise, I know I'll make mistakes, but I also know that when I do, God will always be there with an outstretched hand.
So yeah. That was revealing. I've tried hiding how I really felt all the time, and I came to realize that it just severely messes you up. So it comes to a personal decision about being honest to yourself,  being honest to God, and being honest to people you love. Nobody likes a liar.

Arizona summers have always been the time for me to mature. And I feel as if I've taken another wonderful step into becoming the person God has in mind for me to be. I'm talking about dance lessons. I know it doesn't sound like a huge deal, but it means mountains to me. I don't think I've smiled so big in a while. Dancing makes me feel graceful, even though I know I'm not. I know I'm not any good at it, but when you're as bad as I am, the only thing you can do is improve! I know God is going to teach me something, I just have to wait and see. I know confidence is one of them, and that's been a really hard one for me, I just DON'T have any. But this helps, I can see it already. It's like climbing a completely vertical cliff, the top seems so far away, but you push yourself and you climb because you know if you give up, you'll fall.

That's my blog for today, TADA! Talk to ya later ;)

GOD BLESS