But what if...?

It's taken me about five tries to write this. Let's try again.




They said I could get cancer.
That's how it started.
Since then, I've only gotten worse. I've been spitting blood, my stomach hurts so bad I can't move. No one knows what's wrong, I can hardly continue with my dance lessons though I try. I can't sleep. I can't eat, either. I've gotten really pale. I've lost a lot of weight. It's hard to concentrate. They want to do surgeries, I want the pain to stop, so I guess we're on the same team then. I can't pity myself, other's have gone through a lot worse, but when you're walking through another valley of your life, it's hard to see the beach on the other side of the mountain, but my Shepard is really tall, He can see. And He says it's great. I know God know's where He's going.
Sometimes when I think I'm alone though.. I feel like I'm standing on the edge of a very tall building with my toes over the edge. I know I could fall, but I just love the view. I'm afraid, but at the same time I'm not. I feel peaceful.
I feel like, even if I do get cancer, even if I do end up dying, I feel like it'll be okay.
I don't think I'm afraid anymore.

I've only told a few of my friends. I told Nancy, but I feel bad for making her worry.. she always pulls me away and asks if I'm okay. I feel really happy that she cares so much, but at the same time I know that if something happens, she'll be really sad.
I'm really sorry about that, I never wanted her to be sad.


God bless you.
No really, God Bless you.